Growthward

 Vanilla cake with white frosting, the pair of six bright red cherries and a corresponding candle set ablaze encircled the top of the cake perfectly.

Conspiracy to keep me 6 forever?  

Left unbarred, the centre of the cake under the shadow of the fire read, 'Happy Birthday Wanangwa'. 

One of my first vivid memories stretched so far from today that not only is that not so little girl not little anymore but she also prefers velvet cake. 

"Surprise!," echoed. 

The light from the candles fade, the cheer and loud singing go still and my eyes open to a girl still but certainly not 6, and she's  besides herself with how far she's come.

She no longer cries when a door clumps her finger as she recalled doing every other day on drop off at school. Nor has the foot that leaves space in a size 2 shoe. The very foot size that her niece proudly sliped into her slipper a couple sizes bigger, pretty big shoes to fill, "It's going to take years and even then I don't think she can match them, I mean all this in the literal sense of course," her friend, Madalitso teases.

However, I do still envy a child's boldness and confidence with the image of a kid shamelessly strutting across the living room to get biscuits off the platter set infront of visitors. Clearly before the stern eye and beating followed, good times good times. 

No filter, every burst of excitement, caution, compliments, criticism, you name it, it just leaked. 

Lost in her imagination and caring less about what anybody else was doing. 

Easy and quick to forgive though she vividly remembers. 

Satisfaction in the simple things, one lollipop goes a long way. 

And downright non compliance simply because mommy said so, even though she doesn't understand why. 

Oh to be child-like in a mature form for the major part anything not to have that squeaky voice again.

To sing 'I love you Jesus deep down in my heart' with no doubt peering because you haven't had a reason to. 

No loss so dear or that you comprehend, trying times, staunted feelings, to an extent of not knowing where to go next.

Well growth sure does a number on you. Can get you to your feeble knees which you haven't sought since your last crisis. Cause you to push away anyone willing to care, for you think, 'what could care surely do to solve this maze of life.' 

Where do I go from here? 

Why am I even here?

I found the answer wrapped in a memory, offering a lifelong applicable lesson. A girl with my face for weeks on end lay and rose distressed and confused. She was abroad, had to come home admist the pandemic though that wasn't quite the problem. To find a flight before a set date beyond which she could not renew her Visa, at a price that wouldn't leave her family bankrupt and a route which had countries willing connecting flights to go throw considering the bans of countries.

Days leading to her deadline saw her tears dry only to well again. Nothing yielded but feelings of being solitude and being trapped. The response to the 'are you OKs' dismissed with the lies her demeanour couldn't embody until she didn't have to wear the mask, alone in the comfort of silent sobs and a pink stuffed friend.

Before long He came through! 

"All aboard!"

What is my worry of purpose in contrast? 

I know not only to be thankful but to trust his plan for my life.

"For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand, it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you."

Isaiah 41:13

To grow is to unravel questions centred around understanding or merely questioning 'why'. 

Why do good people die young?

Why me?

Why did you..?

In in the whys, unthinkable pain and teary eyes, find comfort that even though you don't know why, he has worked it out and continues to for your good.

"Baby steps my child. To you it may be nothing, but you make daddy proud. Your weakness is only my strength. I know you've got your question but I'm closer than you think I promise." 

-Maveric city-

The pain and the hurt, triumph and defeat, familiar faces, repeated habits, suppressed and affirmed expressions, boy, even the taste of cake batter on my tiny fingers made me who I am today.

To the infinite process of growth not only in age🥂. To enduring the accompanying pain with a positive attitude and reaping its rewards. 

In every right, day by day we continue to grow.

I introduce to you the growth series.

"You will have many quiet revolutions

Muted applause in the shadows

Silent transitions with beautiful outcomes

It will look uneventful at times, it will feel pointless in moments but this is growth."

~Billy Chapata~

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Until next time, take care✌🏾