Life in a year

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different."
-C.S Lewis-

Here we are at the close of the year.
What a year it has been!
We've cried, we've laughed, been knocked down and dared to get back up again. Well technically I can only speak for myself and I know I have.
So much to reflect on in retrospect, where do I begin?

Faith

I battled with facts constituting my faith this year. I paused to really think and contemplate on what I as an individual actually believe.
It's so convenient to accept other people's beliefs sometimes because of the sort of influence they carry or the way they bring out their argument but at the end of the day, is it true to you?
Another thing that became more apparent is that there is no middle ground escaping a choice.
" Those who shy away from addressing the elephant in the room are doomed to carry the weight of it."
In the same breath I am grateful for people and conversations that have pushed me to think of and seek to be informed on issues that I've taken a middle ground stance on rather than being passive in my faith and general living.
Pressed upon my heart in this season I asked;
Who is God and what am I doing with this knowlegde of Him?

What is the significance of my belief? What do I have to show for it?

What is my take on issues deemed controversial for me?
........

Talk of controversy
It's ok to be proud and bold enough to state your intentions and how you feel. 
The biggest regrets lie in words and deeds left undone and an echoing "if only" which dares to raise it's head.
Does it always work out? Certainly not 
Is it sometimes embarrassing? You bet
Will I ever again shot my shot though? I think I'll sit it out.
Applying it to other spheres aswell go out there and say it with your chest.
........

My uniqueness is my contribution.
I've had a string of triumphs and all time lows wallowing in imposter syndrome and self doubt.
Looking at how I do not execute my craft like a said someone else does,
At how many people  are out there doing the same thing I am,
Other times because I couldn't find a style,to product or approach that embodies me holistically.
I know sometimes the doubt will creep up on me as I keep on keeping on but in every right I am unique and that should be celebrated; my gift to you.
.........

In another breath, loss.
It is hard to cease creating new memories with pivotal people and in defining areas. To only be able to look back at past times and to use past tense in reference to relations, occasions and people.
I mourn loss.
From ties that no longer serve me, unfulfilled dreams, to relations that made me feel I wasn't as important as... to loss of a pivotal figure to death.
Looking back I am thankful to have had but loss each time you strike, I feel your sting!
.......

Sometimes your  inner voice isn't your only cheerleader.
"She's cutting herself short she's an artist and doing the most, you should see her pieces," my brother said as I modestly fumbled through words explaining what I do independent of handouts.

"You should draw me" had been said to me even before I thought I could draw a portrait that the subject could recognize and say, "yeah that's me". 

Before it came to being there were people daring to believe I could and I did.

Sometimes it's your 4 year-old niece softly saying, "wow", clearly amazed gazing at your work of art.

We don't always have to carry our weight all by ourselves needless to say having to always have the loudest reassuring voice.
And I am continually most grateful for those  seeing in me what I sometimes can not yet see.
.......

To conclude this post I'd like to add the story of Icarus from Greek mythology.
Icarus’ father made some wings that he fastened with wax. “Never fly but so high with these wings,” the father said. But soaring around, this way, that way, Icarus’ flying pleased him so that he began thinking he was flying on his own merit. Higher, he flew higher—until the heat of the sun melted the wax holding those wings. And down came Icarus—tumbling.

Looking back to my accomplishments, ahah moments and down right heart breaking moments, I have only this to add
He has brought us this far by his grace, blessed be God, blessed be God. 
On this note a Happy New year to you! 
And for my last work of art for the year..