Open ended

 "I’ve heard it said that only the perishable can be beautiful, which is why we are unmoved by artificial flowers."

- Allison Trowbridge -

Grinning children filled the classroom and encircled a subject who stood directly over his cake inscribed "Happy birthday", when they erupted into singing in unison, "Happy birthday to you!" , with all the energy they could muster.

Treats were had and a few days later with this background their teacher asked,

"Why do we celebrate birthdays when we are just one year closer to our grave?"

When I first heard it I frowned in realization of the vanity but after living for a bit longer it hit me; a great story always has the ending in mind to fix the plot.

...........

"The nations were angry, and your wrath has come. The time has come for judging the dead, and for rewarding your servants the prophets and your people who revere your name, both great and small — and for destroying those who destroy the earth."

- Revelation 11:18 -

After all is said and done, after I've striven on Earth below and scaled the heights, alas man's glory lasts but for a season and only what you do for Christ will last.

............

Take me to the end of mortality, calla lilies and daises placed on the heap of dust that seperates me from the living, family and friends join in solemn song, tributes and a headstone to detail in summary who I was.

Was I loving truly? Good even?
Soul deep, in the way a coin at the bottom of a pool makes the surface shimmer with light I aspire.

..............

Journey with me to my last hour. Thoughts of times past, decisions made and feelings felt flash through my mind.

Tears springing from remorse well interjected by even more tears of joy.
'What would I have to say about myself then?' I wonder.

.............

Looking back to move forward.
To the other extreme, retrace with me my steps to this post to posts before today's to a time before I could write let alone breathe a complete thought. 
What is my story? 

What has been my journey?

I had my first red 'car' when most children my age were overlooking the functionality of the big dishes housed in the kitchen.

The few memories I have of creche involved painting, leaving our handprints on paper and each other's faces and my phobia of public toilets.

I have one too many memories of the boarder.
From being given a sweet in a very colourful wrapper by a random white lady to being left by a pontoon with my mother and brother in it. And yes it ended it shock and tears respectively.

The sweet was snatched and tossed by my father and if I'm honest I still think of how it would have tasted till date.

And in the instance of the pontoon my immediate older brother was to ensure we both got on to the pontoon as our mum had to drive the car in with the other cars before passengers could load.
He left me!
Had I resisted? yes but he didn't insist.

In my defence the pontoons were worn out and had missing planks where you could actually see the water beneath you and possibly get your little foot stuck in if you were not careful.

In what felt like an eternity the pontoon had reached the middle of the river when they turned back to get me. 
I was so embarrassed with everyone staring at me and relieved all at once. 
I was safe.

I have never been more excited and expectant of any birthday like I was when I turned 13. 
A whole teenager. 
Ironically I don't remember a thing of that day but the years that followed were nothing I could have anticipated in every sense, both good and bad.

In many ways the 'insignificant' tales had and still do have a role in the grand scheme of things even just for a good laugh looking back.

Note to self

Older me,

When you look back to today the first thing I'd love you to remember hoping you did not  forget or take it for granted is that you're an eternal spirit housed in a transient body. 
And if you're wise that should alter the way you journey.

This is a farewell and ushering of you as you journey through new age, heights, different testings and ultimate becoming.

You have been equipped enough to take on your next decade and continue to be.
The coming journey is exciting.
Smell the roses darling girl!

As your physical being ages and matures I crave for the same for your spirit.

As you dance through the melodies of time and seamlessly transcend in beauty, success and your view of the world remember that there is more to everything than upfront beauty. A closer look and you'll fall in love with the supposed 'flaws', cracks and scars. They tell more than the eyes can see from what they perceive as beautiful.

When someone takes a closer look at you let them see that beauty outward reflected back in your deeds, your service and your intent.

In all your endeavors count the cost so when you do decide to go with a choice you go full throttle all the way.

Lastly, In a borrowed thought, "When you are tempted to be angry or frustrated or unforgiving toward another I want you to look back and see yourself and the other as you once were—as children.”
Learning, failing, trying and progressing.

The trophy is to become and continue becoming, 
We have so much life to live and so few breaths to do it in.

With love,
Your younger self.

"Nature’s first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf’s a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay."

ROBERT FROST

A self portrait dating back to 2002. Celebration of life and a new age.

Happy birthday to me♥️