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" Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back everything is different. " -C.S Lewis- Here we are at the close of the year. What a year it has been! We've cried, we've laughed, been knocked down and dared to get back up again. Well technically I can only speak for myself and I know I have. So much to reflect on in retrospect, where do I begin? Faith I battled with facts constituting my faith this year. I paused to really think and contemplate on what I as an individual actually believe. It's so convenient to accept other people's beliefs sometimes because of the sort of influence they carry or the way they bring out their argument but at the end of the day, is it true to you? Another thing that became more apparent is that there is no middle ground escaping a choice. " Those who shy away from addressing the elephant in the room are doomed to carry the weight of it ." In the same breath I am grateful for people and conversa...

  *" Days of prosperity make us forget adversity. Good times seem out of reach during the bad ones. Both can seem like final destinations, the summation of our days. Alas! Yesterday’s condition no longer ." ....... There are days I dread looking in the mirror. A closer look through the window to my soul and I see fire and ice co-existing, Not mixing, and yet neither one is consumed. Like it were a respectable debate where one takes the podium and the other waits its turn.   A dream and a disaster both present in one space, An inferno of love and hate, A melody of calm quickly disrupted by fear, Patience cut short and the words that exist in the boarders of my mind blurted out. ...... And then again there are days I can sit for hours staring at my reflection. ' What a beauty ,' I think to myself as the same reflection I sometimes dread meeting stares back. I am reminded that there is beauty in chaos. ....... Away from the mirror and onto my window seat I look outwards....

We We were just kids when we said no matter what we would make it together. Outlandish dreams and aspirations, nothing was out of reach. Be it being the first to fly to the sun and no one could argue that we practically couldn't make it close enough to claim the title without being burnt to ashes. We were just kids so hopeful for the future even though we didn't know what it held. We may not be treading the same paths because you're no longer here, we drifted apart or just don't reside in the same area anymore. But what a bliss to look back to when we were just kids. I I looked different, felt different and pursued different paths. I was cautious when I spoke, walked and was present wherever I was.  I laid brick by brick to secure my parameter and raised walls that cut some ties or just made me harder to connect to.  I wore a masquerade of ' I'm fine ' even when I left bloodtrails when I walked by. I was knocked down enough times to know what was and was not...

 Vanilla cake with white frosting, the pair of six bright red cherries and a corresponding candle set ablaze encircled the top of the cake perfectly. Conspiracy to keep me 6 forever?   Left unbarred, the centre of the cake under the shadow of the fire read, 'Happy Birthday Wanangwa'.  One of my first vivid memories stretched so far from today that not only is that not so little girl not little anymore but she also prefers velvet cake.  "Surprise!," echoed.  The light from the candles fade, the cheer and loud singing go still and my eyes open to a girl still but certainly not 6, and she's  besides herself with how far she's come. She no longer cries when a door clumps her finger as she recalled doing every other day on drop off at school. Nor has the foot that leaves space in a size 2 shoe. The very foot size that her niece proudly sliped into her slipper a couple sizes bigger, pretty big shoes to fill, "It's going to take years and even then I don...

 Past, I stand today gift in hand, the present, eager for all the infinite possibilities within reach. Besides fear, the common and inevitable inhibitor, I'm crippled by what I left entrusted to you, with hopes that time would heal old wounds. Out of the closet, my past self, my past mistakes, and the trail of broken hearts I left behind, while evolving to who I am now, have continued to haunt me. I see them in a stranger's eye, a familiar scent and even old places I once visited. Despite the ' new me ', I feel chained by my old name as if my deeds marked my whole being. "Traitor! Liar! Phonicator! Thief! Lazy! Greedy! Murderer! Drunkard!" The voices in my mind chanted in between its walls.  Had I not been freed? "I am new!" "I am new!" I had to repeat to my self amidst the accusations and pointed fingers. My audience grew larger as the hearts I'd broken stepped out of the shadows. Ones I'd back stabbed, framed, lied to, manipulated...